dreams and death

For the past few days i feel like i’m about to die. really. and i’m serious.
i actually feel like i’m going to die one of these days.

and when i thought of that, i panicked and got these thoughts. thoughts that would have killed me in a normal day.

i imagine that i won’t be able to marry the man i love and grow old with him.
i imagine that i won’t be able to get pregnant, experience labor and raise a child of my own.
i imagine that won’t be able to grow old, have age marks, have wrinkles and still be the most beautiful girl for my future husband.
i imagine that i won’t be able to buy my mom her retirement house in tagaytay.
i imagine that i won’t be able to help my relatives in their problems.
i imagine all sorts of things.
and from all those, the most painful of all is not being to grow old with the man i love.

i know i’m in love and well… it’s just that. i also want to experience what my mom experienced. being in love, being a wife, and most of all… being a mom.

gosh, i don’t want to die.

~ by che on May 22, 2007.